eadset abuse is no laughing matter. It would be impossible for me to count how many times I've attempted to play with friends online only to have the session spoiled by someone who disregards the sanity of his fellow participants. I'm not the only person who's suffered — no; this ludicrous offense takes place every day, ruining games for players everywhere. I've seen many forms of microphone cruelty, and my goal in writing this is not to complain, but to educate.
(If you can identify with any of the following voice-chat desperados, you may need intervention.)
These are the five most common types of headset abusers:
The DJ
How annoying it is to find someone so dense that they don't seem to realize that microphones are used to capture sound? Loud music is sound. Not only do I normally dislike the musical taste of the offender, but the quality of the transmitted music is generally so awful it makes my ears cry out in pain.
The Guy Who Was So Hungry He Ate His Headset Mouthpiece
Guess what I learned today? It's rather hard to speak to someone with a mouthpiece shoved halfway down your trachea. OK, not literally, but there's no reason to have your headset that close to your mouth. Moving it just an inch or two away won't render you mute. In fact, it will just clear up that garbled sound that was bugging me to begin with.
The Breather
A close relative of the Guy Who Was So Hungry He Ate His Headset Mouthpiece, the Breather tends to pant into his microphone like he just ran the Boston Marathon — in record time. Like the above case, this problem is often due to having the mouthpiece far too close to the mouth. The distinguishing feature is that the Breather seems to only rhythmically exhale for communication, while the headset eater tends to ramble on even though you can't understand him.
The Screamer
Also known as the I Like To Make People's Ears Bleed Guy, this lovely fellow feels that the only possible way to convey his aggravated disposition is to yell loud obscenities into the ears of the other players. This particular issue is one of my least favorite and will always result in the immediate muting of the said problem. When a mute feature is unavailable, removal of the headset is required.
The Other Person in the Room Talker
Probably the most innocent of all headset abusers, this guy seems to enjoy carrying out multiple conversations at once. Though I think it's sweet that you had your buddies over to show them the game, when you said, "Come check this out," I thought you were talking to me. Now I'm dead.
Though these are just a few of the situations I've experienced, I know I've been spared other vocal atrocities. What have you run into online? Share your story and remember — only you can prevent headset abuse.
